Hello, loves!  The past several days are somewhat of a blur.  October 11th was the one year anniversary of my father passing away. 

To describe this as a tough time for me would be a serious understatement.  Further impairing my ability to maintain my sanity (or what's left of it): family drama that I still can't wrap my head around and work stress that just wouldn't quit.  I found myself tettering on the brink of a meltdown early friday and come monday (as you will read) I threw sanity to the wind and jumped head first. 

Friday:  The downward spiral

My work day entailed a few work errands and dropping off the allowance at the office, but I somehow ended up at the office until 3pm (an omen perhaps?) I ended up falling asleep super early while doing  laundry, but this was a good thing as I definitely needed the rest.

Saturday:  Not responding ellicits a more intense level of attention than open communication

I woke up to 3 text messages, one of which was totally unnecessary: hi, ????, your probably too busy #?!@ing ...    Urked and without thinking, I retorted an apology for sleeping (and thus not being at his beckon call) a run down of my day ahead (pretzel bread, pole fitness class, NJ w/ Mom) and a seemingly reasonable request (please don't be a #/-+ this weekend).  Fast forward 12 or so hours later to an incoming reply, which only asked where I was and what I was doing. (Really guy?!) I reiterated being in NJ with family, reciprocated said inquiries, but didn't receive a response (which is kind of ridiculous being he took the 40 seconds it takes to type his questioning of me but then wont take the 20 seconds to say "out with friends"). 

Sunday: His ego can't handle not being the center of attention so he acts out

Embarked on a kitchen adventure immediately upon waking, then retreated upstairs for a leisurely breakfast & lounge time with the herd. Mid way through I got a text invite to hit the beach.  I accepted but added that I had a few things to do before I went anywhere (get ready, finish up in the kitchen, check in with mom).  My going seemingly depended on when he planned to head out and if he was willing to wait but stating this proved to be "mistake".  Apparently I should have instead been tickled to death that I was even asked and only responded with the word "yes".  Further adding to my "mistake" was  me saying that if he didn't want to wait he didn't have to.  My consequences?  Punishment of course!  As I showered and packed a bag, he fired off a series of  text messages. The first revoked my beach invite, the last indicated that shouldn't see each other anymore.

Monday:  Poor judgement at it's best

Blinded by fury I went cocoa puffs and fired off a text message blitz.  More unresponsiveness resulted in calling.  Shocked that he answered, but not shocked that he seemingly did just so he could be a #/?!   Fast forwarding to later that night, I received an invite to come over.   On a poor decision making roll, I decided to go for broke (no pun intended) and said ok.

In the spirit of you can't make sense of the senseless, I feel no need to rationalize my blind, deaf, and dumb decision making skills.  In no way shape or form was this going to end well.  I clearly didn't consider this fact when I accepted that invitation to come over, nor did I acknowledge the blatant red flag of him indicating we'd talk when I got there.

Highlights from our discussion that went nowhere fast

When will you learn to listen to me... 
Life will be so much better if you do what I say....
If you gain 10lbs you would feel so much better about yourself....

The last is my personal favorite, mainly because the focus of the discussion pertained to him (he loves to talk about him self) and involved me asking why he was incapable of honest and upfront conversation and why did he feel the need to be a total *#'@tard this weekend (of all weekends).

Tuesday: Hell hath no fury........ (like a charity case scourned?)
 
My morning was devestatingly brutal.  Grief stricken and reeling from all which transpired, I spent a large portion of the morning crying my eyes out.  With no tears left to fall, I did what I need to do in regards to re-coming to terms with losing dad.  As for @!$#tard, I believe the final chapter has finally been written.  Granted I've said this several times before and every time it's been a case of "to be continued" but it's come to my attention that his cell number is no longer functional which leads me to assume he disconnected it.  Guess this means he's not paying me back the gas money I let him despite saying he would.......

I've shared my theory of this ex being an undiagnosed textbook case narcissist.  If my theory were proven true, it would very well explain the behaviors but it by no means excuses them nor does it justify my inability to disengage from him.  Furthermore, revisions to the DSM have resulted in the removal of Narcissist Personal Disorder, which means that it's no longer consider to be a disorder. 
(Simply stated, he's a !@%#)  Case or not, I'm under no obligation to engage in the madness, but nonetheless have.  I see my own part in all this, and I take responsibility for such.  Honestly, I'm more disturbed by the fact that I've repeatedly demonstrated an inability to learn any lessons from this epic failure of a relationship (romantic or otherwise) than I am by his inability to act like a human being.  That said, who am I (or you) to judge?!

I'm feelin moody baby
Oh yeah!

Hello Loves!

After declaring today an "all about ME" day, I found myself in an indulgent kind of mood.  This resulted in a batch of Double Chocolate S'Mores Bars, which are a variation of my regular S'mores Bars using 1/3 cup unsweetened coconut flakes, 1/3 ground flax, and the Peanut Butter & Co's Dark Chocolate Dreams peanut butter and a quart of homemade Mint Chocolate Chip Ice Cream.  

1 16oz container dairy free creamer (such as Silk or So Delicious Coconut Creamer)
1 1/4 cup non-dairy milk (I used Trader Joes Vanilla Hemp)
1/2 cup coconut nectar
1/4 cup Sucanant
1 1/2 - 2 tsp Peppermint extract
2 Tbs Arrowroot Powder
1 cup dairy free chocolate chips

Mix 1/4 cup of non dairy milk with 2 Tbs of the arrowroot powder and set aside.

In a saucepan, combine the creamer with the remainder of the milk, the agave nectar and the sucanat and bring to a boil.  Remove from heat and immediately stir in the arrowroot mixture.  Then add peppermint extract and stir until well combine.  Taste mix for flavor and sweetness. 
Allow ice cream mix to cool in fridge for approoximately 4 hours.  Then run it through your ice cream maker according to the manufacturers directions, adding chips during the last 5 minutes of mixing.  Transfer to a container and store in freezer. 

In a word:  Yum!!

As I beat the heat with Mint Chip cone, I received an unexpected call from a sexy friend inviting me out for a late afternoon cocktail.  Naturally I accepted.  As the saying goes, if you won't someone else will.  I can sit in the house and mope or I can make the best of the hand life has dealt me.  Life's too short to spend the entire day moping about, wishing things were different, esepcially when the reality of the situation is that I have no control over another individual actions/behavior.  It is what it is.  Going back to the Idiot's Guide to Zen Living, it's better to "let go" than to make yourself sick over what you have no control over. 

Looking forward, tomorrow the carefree, fun lovin naughty vibes continue down at Robert Moses Beach Field 5.  I'm fixin to head out bright and early (after a quick but intense workout) but I will be heading out solo due to my "date" turning out to be a fraud.  *le sigh*  (Yeah, yeah in the long run I am better off but it still stings.)  

Moving on, I would like you to meet newest addition to my appliance family:

Waring Pro Health Juice Extractor
My New Love <3

I scored this little gem for $30 new in box.  Although I've happily been utilizing my blender for juices (just requires a quick run & ring through a mesh paint strainer bag), I've nonetheless kept an eye out for a reasonably priced juice extractor and $30 fits the bill!!  That said, I must admit that I still consider this to be an impulse buy, which doesnt exactly fit in with my budgeting goals but to that I say f!#@ it - the juicer isnt going to result in my filing for bankruptcy - I will just have to scale back elsewhere to accommodate this purchase.

So, what will be my first juice? 

Carrot of course!!  Blended with green apple and spinach :-)

4 handfuls of baby carrots
2 green apples
1 handful baby spinach
1 lemon

Place ice in glass (or mason jar for on the go convenience).  Squeeze lemon over ice.  Set aside.
Juice carrots, spinach, and apples in accordance to manufacturers instructions.  Enjoy!

I actually just got back from the market with the apples (as well as cat food. Meow!).  I need to load up the dehydrator with tomorrow's lunch (5 Alarm Veggies & Chickenless Burgers - minus the coconut skin - from Any Phyo's Raw Food Essentials) and finish up the laundry I started before bed. 

Wishing everyone a fabulous night!!  Until next time, I'm off like a prom dress ;-)

Ryan and I have had our ups.  We've also had our downs.  For whatever reason we always had difficulty maintaining a happy medium and instead our relationship would seemingly roller coaster from amazing to trainwreck and back around at warp speed over and over and over again.  That said, imagine my suprise when he said he'd be my guest!  Being the cynic that I sometimes am, I went back and forth on whether this was a round about means of stroking his own ego or if he was genuinely taking time to show interest in what I do and engage me in positive interaction, it hit me:  he knows all about my blog?!  Huh?! 

Perhaps he had been listening...

Salsa Fresca    

I give credit where credit is due and this is absolutely positively delicious.  The recipe makes ALOT which is a good thing cause its so yummy you will want to find multiple uses for it.  I enjoyed some of the left overs with my couscous and it was even more delicious as it had been sitting for a bit.

Thanks Ryan!  You rock... for now.... ;-)

I woke up early (about 7:30a) and decided on a lazy morning.  I was feeling tired but not tired enough to go back to sleep.  I whipped up a Banana Scramble and lounged around till about 9:30a.  I then hit the kitchen to bake up some bread: one batch of Pretzel, one batch of Cocoa.

My birthday is swiftly approaching (April 18th) and on my wish list is a  bread maker.  Should I not receive one I'll definitely buy it myself.  Needless to say both batches of bread looked fantastic:

 If you compare the above picture of pretzel bread to when I first made it its safe to say I've come a long way with this recipe! I rolled each roll in this particular batch in a cornmeal/garlic salt mix (and gave it a few kneads before I tossed it in the baking soda bath). 

For the cocoa bread, this time around I used bread flour (instead of all purpose) as well as cow's milk (2%) and an actual egg.  It come out a lot fluffier that when I had used all purpose flour, egg replacer, and almond milk. Its criminal that I won't be eating any!!

I am spending time today with a former lover (quite possibly against my better judgement, but that's neither here nore there).  The plan is to walk the beach and then have dinner together.  He's had the pretzel bread before but not the cocoa bread, which is why I whipped up a batch (he's non-vegan).  Aside from that not too much is in the works this weekend.  I want to start a spring cleaning of my belongs  - get rid of what I do use or wear - as well as take some much needed time for me.

Oh, allergies!  One of these days you may very well be the death of me.

I've been feeling pretty terrible since late Saturday (or early Sunday, depending how you look at it) and my taste buds are malfunctioning so I havent been doing much cooking or food prep.  However, tonight I came straight home from work and promptly headed to the kitchen to make a vegan Moroccan Stew,  which I will be bringing to work tomorrow to share with the group.   I had stumbled upon a few different recipes for such.  The folllowing recipe was adapted from one I had seen on sparkrecipes.com and one from the food network. 

2 tbs olive oil
1 small onion, chopped
3 cloves garlic, minced
4 small yukon gold potatoes, peeled and cubed
1 medium butternut squash, peeled, seeded and cut into 1/2 inch cubes
1 cup carrots, peeled & sliced
1 can diced tomatoes, no salt added (do not drain!)
2 cups low sodium vegetable broth
1cinnamon stick, approx 3” long
1 tsp ground cumin
2 tsp red pepper flakes
15 oz canned chickpeas, rinsed and drained
    Fresh ground pepper, to taste
    Fresh Cilantro, for garnish     

Heat olive oil in a heavy-bottomed saucepan with a tight fitting lid over medium heat. When oil shimmers, add onion, garlic, cumin, and cinnamon, and season with salt and freshly ground black pepper. Cook, stirring occasionally, until spices are aromatic and onions are soft and translucent, about 5 minutes.

Add squash and potatoes, season with salt and freshly ground black pepper, stir to coat, and cook until just tender, about 3 minutes. Add broth, chickpeas, and diced tomatoes (w/ juices) Add red pepper flakes.  Bring mixture to a boil then reduce heat to low. Cover and simmer until squash is fork tender, about 15 minutes. 

Garnish with fresh chopped cilantro prior to serving!

I sampled a little when transferring it to a container and although I have faulty taste buds, I give it a thumbs up!!   I have a feeling it will be even better tomorrow as the flavors will have had a chance to meld together.  Yummmmmm!

Well, I'm offically exaughsted.  I decompressed with some Vitamin Beats so I might very well skip a meditation tonight as I feel like I can fall asleep any second now.  Hope your all having a fantastic night!  xo

Jamaica is one of my favorite vacation destinations.  A group of friends had planned a trip there for this month.  I really really really wanted to attend but due to unforseen events which transpired prior to the holidays, I opted not to join.  fast forward to present day March and said group has left for Jamaica while I remain on Long Island.  In a word: Bummed!!   

However, its safe to say that these things happen.  There will be other trips to attend with friends as well as many more opportunities for me to visit Jamaica.  Instead of being bitter, I chose to be inspired... to cook a Jamaican themed feast!!!  I sent out an invite to the usual suspects: Darin, Farin, Jen, Cameron, and Laura, all of who were stoked at the idea.

It's a gorgeous saturday morning and I was out & about early today, getting errands done as well as picking up last minute items needed for our dinner party.  The plan was to meet at Darin's at 7pm, therefore I'd be going in early to start cooking.  I picked up Farina & PupZilla at about 1pm and offically started prepping for the upcoming feast by 2:30pm.  On the menu: Jamaican Beef Patties, Jamaican Jerk Tempeh, Callaloo w/ Hot Pepper Vinegar, Festival, Cocoa Bread, and a Pineapple & Plantain Baked.  I must say that picking dishes for the menu was no easy task as I had about 14 different recipe ideas in mind, some of which may pop up during the week.  Some how I managed to narrow it down to the above named six and every last one came out too delicious for words!

This was my first go at Jamaican Inspired fare and I enjoyed every last minute in the kitchen (start to finish took approx 5 hours).  I cant thank Darin enough for use of his kitchen (we did dishes 5 times!!) and for my friends in general.  As usual we had an awesome time together.  Love you guys! xoxoxox

Now on to the recipes!! 

1 1/2 Tbs. vegetable oil
2 medium onions, diced (3 cups)
3 cloves garlic, minced (1 Tbs.)
4 large Yukon gold potatoes, peeled and cut into chunks
3 carrots, peeled and cut into 2-inch pieces (1 cup)
3 Tbs. Madras curry powder
1 15-oz. can black beans
3 medium tomatoes, coarsely chopped (1 1/2 cups)
1 cup low-sodium vegetable broth
2 jalapeño chiles, seeded and finely chopped (1/4 cup)
1 tsp. balsamic vinegar

Heat oil in large skillet over medium heat. Add onions and garlic, and cook 5 to 7 minutes, or until onions are soft and translucent. Stir in potatoes, carrots, and curry powder, and cook 4 minutes.

Add beans and their liquid, tomatoes, broth, jalapeño chiles, vinegar, and 1 cup water; season with salt and pepper. Cover and simmer 45 minutes, or until potatoes are flaky and carrots are cooked through, stirring occasionally.

CALLALOO WITH HOT PEPPER VINEGAR
Adapted from Vegetarian Times, Serves 8

3 Tbs. canola oil
1 large onion, cut into thin slices (2 cups)
2 cans Callaloo
5 cloves garlic, minced (1 1/2 Tbs.)

Hot Pepper Vinegar
1/2 cup finely diced red bell pepper
1/2 cup finely diced yellow bell pepper
1/2 cup cider vinegar
1 tbs Scotch Bonnet Pepper Sauce
1/2 tsp. sugar

Heat oil in stockpot over medium heat. Add onion and garlic and sauté 5 to 7 minutes.  Drain Callaloo and add to pot along with approx 1 cup of water.  Reduce to medium low and heat covered.  Meanwhile, make the Hot Pepper Vinegar via combining the bell peppers and scotch bonnet pepper sauce in 2-cup glass measuring cup. Stir together vinegar, sugar, and 1/2 cup water in small saucepan. Bring vinegar mixture to a boil, then pour over peppers. Allow to cool. 

To serve: Top each serving of Callaloo with Hot Pepper Vinegar

Cocoa Bread
Adapted from Jamaicans.com Cocoa Bread 2 recipe

2 pkg yeast
1 tsp truvia sugar
1/4 cup warm water
3/4 cup warm  unsweetened almond milk
1  ½ tsp salt
Egg Replacer for 1 egg
About 3 cups all purpose  flour
1/2 cup vegan butter melted

Dissolve yeast and sugar in water then stir in milk, salt and egg replacer.  Add 1/2 of the flour and stir, continue to add flour until you have a dough that can be turned out of the bowl. Knead the dough for 10 minutes. until smooth but firm.  Oil a clean bowl and turn the dough in it until coated.  Cover with a damp towel and let it rise for 1 hr. cut into 8 - 10 portions roll each piece into a 6 inch diameter circle. Brush with melted vegan butter then fold in 1/2.  Brush with more vegan butter and fold in 1/2 again.  Set breads on a oiled baking sheet and let them rise until they double in size.  Preheat oven to 425 F set a pan of hot water on the lowest oven rack.  Bake for about 12 - 15 minutes. or until golden brown.

2 yellow or brown plantains
1 can (8-oz. size) pineapple tidbits or chunks, drained
2 tablespoons vegan margarine
1/8 cup brown sugar
1/4 tsp fresh ground cinnamon
1/4 tsp ground allspice

Preheat oven to 350F. Spray large baking dish with vegetable oil spray.  Slice plantains lengthwise and remove from peels, placing them cut-side up in dish. Top with drained pineapple chunks.

In a small saucepan combine margarine, sugar and spices. Stir and heat over low until melted and bubbly, about one minute.

Pour mixture over plantains and pineapples. Cover with foil and bake for 35-40 minutes until plantains are tender when pierced with fork.

Jamaican Beef Patties
Recipe below is a combination of two recipes, one from vegetarian times and the other from eatjamaican.com

CRUST
3 cups flour
1 Tbs. curry powder
3/4 tsp. salt
1/2 tsp. baking powder
4 oz. vegan margarine, cut into pieces

Combine flour, curry powder, salt, and baking powder in food processor. Add margarine, and pulse until mixture resembles coarse meal. Add 3/4 cup cold water; process until dough forms. Wrap in plastic wrap, and refrigerate 1 hour.


MEAT FILLING
2 tablespoon oil
1 Small white onion, Finely chopped
1/4 teaspoon Scotch Bonnet pepper sauce
1/2 lb. Lean ground beef
1/2 teaspoon Salt
1/2 teaspoon Freshly ground black pepper
1/2 teaspoon Curry powder
1/2 teaspoon Dried thyme
1/4 cup Breadcrumbs
1/4 cup Beef or chicken stock
1 Egg, beaten
1/4 cup Water

In a heavy skillet, melt the margarine and sauté the onion and Scotch Bonnet Pepper until they become limp. Add the ground beef, salt, pepper, curry powder and thyme and mix well. Brown the meat for about 10 minutes, stirring occasionally.

Add the breadcrumbs and stock and combine all the ingredients well. Cover the skillet and simmer for about 10 to 15 minutes, stirring occasionally. When all the liquids have been absorbed, the filling is ready. It should be moist but not watery. Remove the skillet from the stove and preheat oven to 400 degrees F.

Roll out dough and cut out circles. Place 2 to 3 tablespoons of filling on half of each. Moisten the edges of the dough with water and fold the dough circle over the meat filling. Pinch the edges closed with a fork.

Patty may be fried in oil on the stove top or baked until golden brown. 

It takes both rain and sunshine to make a rainbow.
A misty morning does not signify a cloudy day. – Ancient Proverb